For many South African parents, visiting their emigrant children is a deeply meaningful experience. Reunions are filled with joy—being able to hold a grandchild, share everyday moments, celebrate milestones, and experience each other’s presence beyond the screen. These visits often renew emotional bonds, bring comfort, and provide treasured memories that linger long after the journey ends.
But if the experience is so enriching, one may wonder: why don’t these visits happen more often?
The answer lies in the complex obstacles many families face. International visits require meticulous planning, carry substantial financial costs, and often involve complex visa processes, long flights, and physical strain—especially for aging parents. For some, the emotional weight of goodbyes makes it even harder to go through the experience repeatedly.
The financial burden of travel
One of the biggest challenges for South African parents is the financial burden of international travel. Traveling internationally is expensive. Flights alone can cost tens of thousands of rands, and that’s before adding visa fees, medical requirements, and travel insurance. One couple, for instance, spent R62,000 on flights to visit their child, with an additional R9,000 required for medical expenses. For retired parents or those on a fixed income, these costs can be prohibitive, limiting how often they can see their children in person.
A participant in a study led by emigration therapist Dr. Sulette Ferreira shared their experience: “Yes, for sure we are already looking out for tickets again, it is terribly expensive. If I now had to, I would scratch the money out from somewhere and I can afford it but I am actually busy all the time scratching around in my funds, which I should actually use to look after myself.”
Furthermore, due to the fluctuating exchange rate, these costs may vary significantly depending on when they book their trip. This uncertainty can make it challenging for parents to plan ahead and budget for their trip.
The logistics of visiting
Planning a trip to visit family abroad is no small feat. Older parents may struggle with long flights and airport layovers, making travel physically exhausting. Accommodation arrangements must be made, as not all adult children have the space to host visiting parents for extended stays. Additionally, work and school schedules in their new country may mean that visits don’t always align with quality time together.
The emotional toll of separation
While video calls and messages help families stay connected, they don’t replace the warmth of physical presence. Parents left behind often feel lonely, especially during milestones like birthdays and holidays. Time zone differences can make regular communication difficult, and for some, the sense of missing out on their children’s daily lives is painful. Seeing their children in person, even if infrequent, helps reaffirm familial bonds and provides much-needed emotional connection.
Why these visits matter
Despite the challenges, visiting emigrant children is invaluable. Physical presence fosters a deeper emotional connection that technology cannot fully replicate. Parents get to experience their child’s new life firsthand—meeting their friends, exploring their neighbourhood, and understanding their day-to-day routines. These visits also help reassure parents that their children are truly settled and happy in their new home.
For children, especially those raising families abroad, parental visits bring a sense of home. Grandparents get to bond with grandchildren, passing down family traditions and creating memories that wouldn’t be possible over a video call. These interactions reinforce familial ties and help ease some of the guilt emigrant children may feel about leaving their parents behind.
Conclusion
While visiting emigrant children comes with financial and logistical challenges, the emotional benefits make it worth the effort. For many parents, saving up for that occasional trip and enduring the long flights is a small price to pay for the warmth of a hug and the reassurance that their children are thriving.
In a world where families are increasingly spread across borders, these reunions serve as a powerful reminder that love and connection can bridge even the greatest distances.
Sulette Ferreira is a migration therapist in private practice. If you are a parent whose child or children have emigrated, you are invited to join the Facebook group: Worlds Apart Living in One Heart. This private group offers a compassionate and supportive space for parents with children and grandchildren living far away.